Tales from the Gym – Sartorial Subterfuge, Day One

February 5th, 2007

Jogging along the treadmill, I spotted a doubly-refracted and most unlikely gym-colleague. Doubly-refracted because I was looking at the mirrors ahead and to the right of my stationary jog, which were refracting the mirrors in the back and to my left. Most unlikely because, somewhere within all those mirrors, a woman was strolling along her own treadmill wearing an ankle-length yellow and black plaid tartan. She was also wearing black sweat pants (underneath the tartan), white tennis shoes, an eggshell-colored turtleneck and a black button-up-the-front vest. We ran along our respective treadmills, she and I; I occasionally swiveling my head around my neck trying to spot the real woman rather than just the reflection. Obviously, she was nowhere to be found. Yet tantalizingly there she was, for a solid twenty minutes, cruising serenely along the conveyor belt in her ankle-length tartan – apparently in some alternate gym-reality twice removed from my own. She grew warm after awhile and unfastened the top few buttons on her vest. I grew afraid after awhile that I would become dizzy from all of the neck swiveling, be projected off the back of the treadmill, and crash into the mirrors. At which point I would either be completely embarrassed in this reality, or I would actually go through both sets of mirrors … and be really embarrassed in some alternate gym reality where everyone works out in their tartans.

Entry Filed under: Tales From the Gym

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