Archive for April 30th, 2007

Tales From the Gym - Alis is Back

Thank “Lou” and the FROBSS, Alis is back! They said she was gone on vacation but the last time I saw her she was standing near the sauna, and you know what can happen in there… Needless to say, I was delighted to see that she’d made it back from “vacation” or wherever.

Alis is the gatekeeper in the women’s locker room. She distributes citrus fruit and ginger to her charges, sings Deep Purple and Jimmy Hendrix songs to mask the soulless pop coming from the sound-system, tells the ladies who are trying to change clothes without ever being naked that they’re looking good today, and yells a mega-watt “I love you!” to anyone trying to maintain aural anonymity by wearing headphones.

Alis talks to everyone, but makes a special point, I think, to draw out the ones who would rather go stand in traffic than make public pronouncements about their emotional states.
But Alis has mastered the art of the verbal interrogatory boomerang. When she talks to you, you are compelled to respond – it’s as if her questions crawl down your throat, shop around for their desired response, then drag it back out into the world – much to the surprise of your unwitting vocal cords. Alis gets everyone talking whether they like it or not; and that is why we have her to thank for our locker room community. When she goes on “vacation” the locker room is a sad, sad place. When she comes back, we can’t stop saying “I love you too, Alis!!”

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