Archive for April 10th, 2007

Tales From the Gym – Sartorial Subterfuge, the Slippery Slope

A trend that must be stopped: people of either gender working out in sleeveless tops that hug every curve – including freckles, beauty marks and moles – and are exactly the same color as the wearers’ skin. The people sporting these tops look like they’re naked. And you can’t really tell for sure until you’ve already made a spectacle of yourself by staring.

Now, I’m a pretty open-minded sort. If my gym decided to go nude, I’d roll with it. I wouldn’t follow suit, but I’d be prepared. After all, I already see a lot of naked people doing headstands, deep knee bends, calisthenics of all sorts, shrink-wrapping themselves in plastic, scrubbing every square inch of skin with sea salt, etc. How much different could it be if the nakedness spilled out of the locker room and onto the bench press? I can’t imagine that nudity would be more distracting than some of the deep-chested primal screams that issue forth from the various weight-lifting stations.

It’s the unexpectedness of faux-nudity that’s alarming. Seeing naked people where you expect to see them is one thing. Seeing them out and about in the non-naked world is quite another. And seeing them behave as though they have NO IDEA they’re working out in the nude is very distressing! One’s sense of place in this world of moral relativity we’ve all agreed upon is suddenly destabilized. Are they inappropriately naked? Or am I inappropriately clothed?

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